Makotos Thoughts [entries|friends|calendar] Makoto [ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ] [ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

Tears Falling [10 Aug 2006|01:26pm] gara is home, where he should be..

H1arts Bleed Tears Falling [09 Jul 2006|12:50am] its so nice to see him.

Tears Falling ....raffle coptor [21 Jun 2006|12:45pm] sick, so sick. sick and lonely. theres nobody here, and I feel like shit. Ive been puking and drinking water for the past three days, I think Ive caught some kind of virus ... its horrible, ive lost mostof my voice. i think the lonely ness adds to it.

Tears Falling [05 Jun 2006|12:02pm] Havent seen Gara lately... getting kind of worried....

H1arts Bleed Tears Falling Time. [25 May 2006|12:22am] [ mood | sad ] [ music | D'espairsRay ] Everything needs time, time to heal. Time to think, time to decide. Ive come to the conclusion that I dont take the time to do anything, I just do it with out thinking of what it will be like later. Nero has been pursuing Gara, after that night we all got drunk and they had sex on the couch. I know neither of them had sex with me, I would have felt it the next morning if it was any good, I usualy do... I wonder if in the end I will lose, its what nero said, Im a stupid kid. In the eyes of a mad man a child is the only escape to freedom... I love Gara. But something inside me aches, it hurts when I breathe. I think he's going to ask me to marry him, Im scared. The other night we went back to the park we met at. he had this whole pic nic thing set up, candles in the trees and the whole ordeal. I think I scared him out of it. I wouldnt have any idea what to say to him, maybe I have cold feet? there should be no doubt your my mind when you know you love a certain person. Right? I know if I talk to Gara he will only say he loves me and nothing else matters. someone help me.. Im scared. out of my mind.. and I feel so guilty..

H1arts Bleed Tears Falling Interview with SHOXX [08 May 2006|11:55am] *Makoto sat in a lone chair, dressed mostly in black with a white t-shirt under his black jacket, a black pockadot tie hung in front his many piercings seemed to sparkle under the studio lighting, he was by himself, and nervous as all hell. The interviewer soon came and sat in the adjascent chair * Interviewer: makoto-san, you seem a bit out of your element *small laugh* Makoto: *looked around a bit before looking at the other man,* well yes.. I'm used to having my band with me. Interviewer: for support? Makoto: no, they are always with me. Interviewer: I see. Makoto: you arent going to slay me with words are you? Interviewer: -laughs- no not at all. Makoto: *nods, letting his hair fall in his face * Interviewer: So I've got some questions here, -looks over his sheet- Makoto: which is why you asked me? Interviewer: -caught a bit off gaurd,- well yes, lets start. first question: Your relaitionship with Gackt has ended? hasnt it? Makoto: .... it has. *knowing these are going to be painful questions to answer* Interviewer: Any specific reason why? He seems to go through a lot of relaitionships. Makoto: no comment. Interviewer: touchy subject? Makoto: ... Perhaps. Interviewer: Did he end the relaitionship? or did you? Makoto:. I did. Interviewer: Oh! your a heartbreaker, -teases- Anyways. Makoto:...... -looks a bit irritaited- Interviewer: your in a new relaitionship now arent you? with the vocalist of merri? Makoto: .. yes. Interviewer: isnt it kind of sudden? Makoto: No comment. Interviewer: I see.... Do you live with Gara? Makoto: no. Interviewer: I heard that youve been harressed by the media because of your relaitionships, is this true? Makoto: Yes, SHOXX included. Interviewer:... oh I see. Makoto: DOREMIdan has gotten a bit more exposure sinse you have been daiting Gara hasnt it? Makoto: The bands exposure shouldnt matter based on who I am daiting, or where I am living, the bands exposure should be because people want to listen to our music not because they are interested in our love lives. Interviewer: Well, its good anyways isnt it? Makoto: we plan to stay in the indies scene. Interviewer: Im hearing that DOREMIdan and Merri plan to do a live together? Makoto: possibly. Interviewer: How come you never did a show with gackto? Makoto: Gackto wouldnt want me on his stage, we'd be drown in his stage presence. Interviewer: But not on merri's stage? Makoto:... Perhaps not. Interviewer: are you saying your the SAME as merri on levels of stardum? Makoto: no. Interviewer: Alright, last question. Makoto: Ok. Interviewer: In closing, do you have anything you would like to say to your fans? Makoto: -slightly smiles at the familiar subject- ... Thank you. Interviewer: aa, thank you? is that all? Makoto: yes, with out fans, we are nothing, *lights go out in studio*

H1arts Bleed Tears Falling [02 May 2006|11:13am] well, work has been kind of blah lately, ^ Theres me, hard at work... recording, I love what I do and I love our fans, Im just out of it lately. getting ready for some shows and lives and interviews and everything else. Gara came home last night with a bloody face, I freaked out until I realized that he did it to himself. -.- I think he needs to calm down on stage. but then you get boring like me nah? I miss shin... where is my best friend? >_< [p.s.- picture does not belong to me I got it off makoto's real live journal from doremidanc.com ]

Tears Falling [29 Apr 2006|12:20am] Today I saw gara, I called him out of the fact that I missed him, he told me he was going to make dinner and bring it over, he did. He showed me his new tattoos, the devils wings are gorgeous and he got our name [makoto] tattooed on his neck. We kind of skipped dinner and went to sex, then sleep. In my own blatent stupidity I slept with the arm warmers on instead of long sleeved pajamas, so he found out. I did my best to say I wont do it again, he threatened to take me to the aslyum to correct my problem... It scared me that he said that, but I just nodded in compliance. It was a nice evening, to say the least. Gara is still sleeping and I am just here updaiting my journal, I think I want a new piercing or something. I talked to shinji on the phone, he was in tears over what weve already discussed, who knew he was such a cry baby...? I love him anyways. Hes part of my band and part of my life. I cant belive how hard dragon slapped me. I know I deserved it but Jesus. Whats done is done, I think I will go do some dishes before I go to bed again, oh. I asked gara if I could be friends with gackt, he said he couldnt stop me, and if its alright with gackto; then Id still like to be friends... but I suppose I will stop by and talk to him.

Tears Falling [27 Apr 2006|11:56am] I went to garas live. It was really good, although it makes me feel like I'm nothing compared to him. Even when I went to Gacktos lives, I was wondering what I am doing in the music business. I fell asleep on my work again -.- I saw gackt at a coffee shop, I was surprised but glad that he said hi to me. we talked a bit I think I pissed him off. I wasnt really doing to well when he saw me. I invested in some more arm warmers, some rainbow colored ones and some purple ones and a pair of red ones, the cashier looked at me funny I couldnt help but laugh. I hung out with the band some, and talked to them about stuff... They are really supportive I love them. ^^ I got smacked though.... Ken knocked a tooth loose, but its ok. I think I needed it. many would agree apparently. I'm going to take a nap now...

Tears Falling [26 Apr 2006|07:28pm] Spending time by myself is a bad idea.

Tears Falling ..unforgiven [25 Apr 2006|10:28am] Yesterday I had the day off. so I decided to stop by and see gackto, I got there around 10:30am, he wasnt home, so I just waited. . . I waited all day and sometime into the night I fell asleep on his porch for I dont know how long, he looked so tired when he got home. I always feel bad for coming over, I always feel like I'm bothering him. Sometimes I dont know if he *really* wants me to be there even if he says he does. I know he will never trust me, and he will never say I love you. I have been stuck in this spot for several years, I cant even go back into that pool haul where I first met him beacause I expect him to meet me there. I know that sounds stupid, but I dont know what to do. I'm frustraited, everytime I hug him he stands there. He stands their like he's scared, I want to be hugged, I want someone to love me as much as I love them. I know gackt is thinking about masa, he's always looking past me. Even if he looks into my eyes I feel like I'm being stared at by someone whose making fun of me. Maybe, after thinking of all these things, maybe I should just let him go, and stop trying to put him in a cage where I can find him.. It does me nothing but kill me inside. Especially when I know that there is someone who loves me...

Tears Falling Lately... [21 Apr 2006|11:38pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | Mucc- Gerbera ] where do I start? I felt bad for not being able to see gackto... And by felt bad I mean my heart hurt to be away from him, its silly really. Maybe my heart is to cought up in how I feel about him? I was really sick the other day, puking and regurgataiting, I ate nothing. I still havent eaten really, just been drinking alot of water. Im going into work again I hope I can keep whatever it is I do decide to eat down. . . I dont know whats wrong with me, I had a night mare again I hate having those when Im alone. waking up in a cold sweat ... I saw rei... Its hard to see her. It was a very hard time for me. It still is, but maybe things will be better? I want to see him, I hope he doesnt mind me coming over.

H3arts Bleed Tears Falling [06 Apr 2006|02:07am] i havent heard from any one in the past couple of days... kind of lonely now... Shinji called business talk, Im going to go to bed.

Tears Falling "we'll see" [05 Apr 2006|01:11am] I feel like shit. i just realized, that nothing will change. I feel horrible for what I did to gara, and how I have treated him. Is it worth all the chasing? yes. Was it worth maybe...the one night I got to spend with him...yes.... I dont know what im doing kiss me kill me love me.

Tears Falling [03 Apr 2006|01:40am] so confused but it feels so good.

Tears Falling And he never said a word [rp] [01 Apr 2006|01:48pm] He had left his estate with not a worry on his mind, which to him was a relief because truely he had many worries. He smiled to himself as he drove passed the wild greenery that grew around his home. His vehical picking up leaves and causing slight tornado as he drove down the natural path. He could see it on the horizon, the city. He hummed to the tune on the radio, whatever it was he couldnt remember. A predictable beat found in most songs and quite catchy. He pushed the cd button on his car. Tired of the monotonous radio, finally about twenty minutes later he broke ground on the city skape. Pulling into a parking space in front of a strip of resturaunts, coffee shops, cd stores and things of the like. He barely had the chance to get out of his car. Before he was bombarded with reporters. Flashing cameras and spokesman from a variety of places. "Makoto, rumor has it youve been spending time with Gackto, is it true?" He was shocked at there questions on his personal life... "You were spotted with Gara of Merri the other night underneath the sakura trees. " Again shock, severe dread only spread across his face, he was so pressed to his car he could feel the cold metal and all he could think.../help me, somebody.../ "Dont you have anything to say?" Lights, cameras. Monsters... He knew it would be stupid to talk to reporters. But he knew he had to say something in Gackts and Garas defense... "If its a crime to have friends and interests in this business... Then I have to question my place. " he said flash, flash... The mic nearly shoved into his mouth how violent they were. /help../ his silent plee as questions pressed to him he did not answer.

Tears Falling ....sayonara [31 Mar 2006|02:30am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | Dir en Grey-Yurameki ] I cried tears of earth for you, my heart for you it bled. I only said I loved you, with these tears I shed. could you find it in your soul? could you find it in my misery? The truth beyond the golden gate for safety I do not hate. I do not believe in philosophy, in regards to heavens sake. The resevour in your eyes tells me all that I ate. The forbiden fruit the simple date, a shattered mind a tattered soul all this for you, I made. I cried, these tears. And watched you hate. This silent baracade is destined to break. [/end written and owned by me it has nothing to do with doremidan] Yesterdays live was exhileraiting, I think I needed the energy badly, I couldnt believe when at the last song the fans sang, they knew it all... every word.. I was so moved I felt like crying. But I didnt have time, it was awesome. accept I forgot one thing we had set up a small bit of fire. Well, the pyrotecs werent really paying attention to where I was on stage or what I was doing they were paying to close attention to timing, and when the flames went off my left arm was in the line of fire. It hurts. so fucking bad. I hadnt known it, but gackto was at my show. He said he cought the last song, he wanted to talk about the voicemail that I had left but I told him I was drunk and not to worry about it.. drama drama drama.. Gackto never believes anything I say to him. Ever. If he does he pretends he doesnt. Its really upsetting. I still havent gotten to talk to you-san.. . After everything, after I had taken a shower and attempted to put prescribed cream on my burn. The doorbell rang, now you must understand this seemed very odd to me. Because to get to my door bell, you have to first get through a pair of iron gates. Which are opened by a code that only me and 2 other people know. Gackt, Gara, I really hoped it wasnt gackt again and to my surprise it was gara. Apparently he had some type of surprise for me. He'd brought over wine and flowers......it was awesome xd I feel..better. slightly. He gave me some cream stuff for my arm. It works better than what I had. xd thats all for now. ja

H2arts Bleed Tears Falling +Voice mail for gackt+ [27 Mar 2006|02:03pm] Things have gotten complicaited............ So much so that I spent the night crying over you. I know that I will never be enough, I wont ever be your shinning star.. I dont want you to be forced to liking me. I want to love with love, please. Dont lie to me. ~ Makoto /end In my efforts to sort things out, I feel like I have gotten myself into a deeper mess than I could have ever imagined. Everything... will. pan out eventualy? I dont want to hurt them I love them both so much.

H12arts Bleed Tears Falling FUCK [20 Mar 2006|12:12pm] [ mood | frustraited ] [ music | Dir En Grey - Yokan ] I hate every one right now. Just, you can all go to hell. Why? Why did I have to be like "Oh, I want to be with someone too" I have decided to give up on gackt. Why? Because I will never have a chance with him now that masa is back. NEVER. They have such a strong bond together.. even if gackto is mad at him he cant stay that way forever. But I found something else that made me feel horrible. Im just. The worst person I should go die. Im sorry.

H1arts Bleed Tears Falling [04 Mar 2006|10:57am] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Gackt- Miserable ] boku wa, daikirai desu ne.... Soshite, shizukane.... yami..... dame desu. It has been so long sense Ive been blessed with any company. Even Gackto has taken it upon himself to ignore me, I know he never wanted me in the beginning, all that time ago I knew I was just bothering him. So, Ive finally decided..... to stop torturing myself with the idea that he perhaps, may be fond of me. It was an obscure thought that was in my head for such a long time. we've been through some things, but only because it was my fault. I know, I'm just another fan. It hurts to know that. I had the chance to be happy, but I through it away to chase a dream and now I am miserable.

navigation [ viewing | most recent entries ] [ go | earlier ]